The Ridiculousness of Halong Bay

I knew all along that Halong Bay was probably the one place we planned to visit that would disappoint, and I wasn't, uh, disappointed. Let me clarify, though: It's not the bay itself that disappoints. The seascape filled with karst limestome formations rising from the water is a sight to behold, no doubt. It's like floating through a prehistoric park. And there are certainly worse ways to spend one's time than sitting on the deck of a junk taking it in. It's HOW the Vietnamese show you Halong Bay that's the problem.

It wasn't long after our plodding 3-hour-drive from Hanoi (complete with a rest at one those classically Asian road stops where they try to impress tourists with vast stores filled with jewelry, ceramics and stone carvings, much of which are created on site) that the trouble started. First sign: a port cluttered with more tour buses than should be allowed to congregate in one country much less a single parking lot. After boarding, our guide (who actually gave us a great rundown on the history of Northern Vietnam during our drive), called all the men together. His purpose: To inform us there were only two double bed rooms available for four couples, meaning two of us had to be in rooms with twin beds. This, of course, did not sit well with anyone, as we all had specifically booked doubles. There was no explanation of how this mixup occurred, but one of the women on board, who is from Vietnam originally, overheard a conversation on the dock that involved someone saying, "just put them all on the cheap boat." (As an aside, this woman said she'd really been looking forward to returning to her homeland, but had been intensely disappointed by the Vietnamese people--she had overheard derisive mockery of tourists everywhere she went.)

Being a man of principle, as you all are no doubt aware, I offered right away to sacrifice the double bed (much to Sarah's initial consternation) in exchange for some good karma. The remaining three men participated in a drawing, and we were on our way. The following 24 hours was marked by us all being shuttled through a series of Disneyland-like tourist attractions in which we spent most of our time waiting in a constant line of people shuffling along a concrete pathway. Yes, the caves and the island-top views and the kayaking sites were fun for the eyes, but the whole thing had a very canned quality that was off-putting to almost everyone on the cruise. On board, the rooms were nowhere near as nice as advertised (with bathrooms that smelled too much like a sewer), and there was minimal deck space, with only 7-8 deck chairs for 14 people. The food was very decent, with lots of fresh seafood, but nothing was dressed up with any sauces or other flair.

Adding to the zing of the cruise was the fact that two of the couples--us included--had booked for trips on entirely different boats. No word on what the deal was there.

The highlight of the trip was meeting the other of those wrong-boat couples, Alyssa and Spyros, who hail from Rome. We bonded with them immediately and basically remained in a little cluster for the entire 24-hour comedy, making the proceedings more bearable by mercilessly poking fun at everything we could think of. (UPDATE: Alyssa reports that the boat they were supposed to be on hasn't actually sailed since an incident in 2007.)

After returning to Hanoi, we joyfully reconvened with our new friends for an evening of walking through Hanoi's old quarter, seeing the famous water puppet performance that's all but an obligation when visiting Hanoi, and eating the most memorable meal of our trip so far at Cha Ca Va Long, a 100-year-old eatery that serves only one dish: a delictable sautee of monkfish, herbs, saffron, scallions and dill that's cooked at your table and served over an absolutely delicious bowl of freshly made soy noodles, with peanuts, cilantro and fish sauce on the side to spice things up. The four of us gobbled up the delicious concoction like we hadn't eaten in months, and Sarah awoke this morning craving it again, hence we'll be returning for lunch today.

And so we begin our final full day of the journey, during which we will tour central Hanoi by foot, cap off the day with our anticipated dinner at La Verticale, a French/Vietnamese restaurant that the hotelier in Phu Quoc said would be our best meal of the trip. (This is the same man who enthusiastically recommended Cha Ca Va Long, so he has our complete trust.)

(UPDATE 12/17: La Verticale was an admittedly interesting dining experience--and, at $120 for the two of us, astronomically expensive by Vietnamese standards. But it was not all it was cracked up to be. This was largely because Sarah was under the weather the last couple of days of our trip, so she was hardly an enthusiastic participant in the meal. However, one problem was that the unexpected treats they bring diners to begin the meal regardless of what they order were far more memorable than the main dishes. Conclusion: It did not come close to unseating Cha Ca Va Long as the best meal of our trip.)

Hopefully, I'll be able to post some Vietnam photos tonight. Until then...